day 3...

Oh, day three. You started off as *such* a great day.

And then.. it happened.


I have to say, they tasted so good. And I felt soooooo guilty with every bite. But I couldn't stop! I don't know why. It was as though I was filling myself as quickly as I could with these little chocolate peanut buttery cookies.. because once they're gone, they're gone, until next year.

I am the troop mom for my daughter. I have had 20+ cases of cookies go through my house and car in the last week. I bought one box of each when we were pre-ordering to help support O, and my plan was to mail them to my husband in Iraq. Only the regulations changed and he can't receive anything over a certain weight, ie, paper mail only.. pretty much.

I hate cookies. I love eating healthy. I LOVE putting good fuel into my body. I know (and I probably should not say this as a girl scout AND troop mom) that girl scout cookies are complete CRAP. WHY would anyone want to put what is in a girl scout cookie (or oreo, chips ahoy, any mass-produced cookie!) into their body? Three reasons: 1.) They're uninformed. I like to think the best of people and assume this is why people freak over GS cookies (or any processed junk!). 2.) They're like me and not quite able to control the bingeing that happens from time to time.. old habits die hard. 3.) They KNOW and they are just lazy and don't care. I have a hard time sympathizing with all of these reasons. Here's why.

Reason number one: being uninformed. We live in the most technologically advanced time ever! Google knows *everything* (believe me, EVERYTHING), and if you want to know about food and the benefits of fueling your body properly, the information IS out there. The sad part is that most people don't even realize that they are eating total crap. No one has ever told them about it, they might not even know there is a different way of life. I mean, lets face it, the media isn't exactly trying to push the complete facts and no matter how many big companies are "fighting obesity" or "adding a healthy twist to the kids' meal & dollar menu"... its all still garbage. Think of all the people out there thinking they're doing something awesome by ordering oatmeal instead of a breakfast burrito meal at McDonald's in the mornings. Or the people that are buying "98% fat free" everything and slowly poisoning themselves and the family they feed! Bottom line: if it has an ingredient list, don't eat it. Real food doesn't HAVE ingredients. It comes from the earth.

Reason number two: Me. Making an excuse. Lack of self control. Loathing of something in their personal life. Being educated on the matter of food, chemicals, and proper self-care... but that one little emotional trigger sets you back. I don't think I have ever fully disclosed my story on this blog, but I suffered from an eating disorder and severe self-image problems from 18 years old (I weighed in the 150s when I graduated high school in May of 2002.. closer to 160. The real problems started after I moved to Virginia that August.. and by the end of Sept/early Nov I was below 110) .. until I found out I was pregnant with my daughter O. I had her 2 weeks before I turned 20 (at 162lbs- June 12 2004) and I was right back on the wagon.. chomping phentermine and only eating once every 2-3 days (back to 110ish by mid July). Before I got pregnant with her it was the worst- eating rarely (once every 2-4 days, drinking TONS of diet coke and coffee to keep "energized"), doubling phentermine doses, being proud of all my clothes being way too big and fitting into a size 1 or 3. I didn't even know I was pregnant until I got the flu and had to go to the doctor because I hadn't had a period in so long due to not eating. Anyway. Thats super personal and not any part of my life that I'm proud of. I grew up so worried about body image- my mom had her own body image problems and I always just thought that struggle was normal. Thats why the junk food gets to me. Because in a way, bingeing is comfortable. And it also makes me feel full. And after all these years.. and those 2-3 years of being hungry and taking "prescription by mail" diet drugs... feeling full feels safe. I hate it. And that is why eating healthy has become so important to me. Because I have two amazing, brilliant daughters and I always want them to feel like know that they are wonderful.

Reason number three: People know the benefits of healthy eating and exercise, but continue to eat crap anyway because they are L A Z Y. Some have the "I'll start tomorrow" attitude and some have the "I'll be naturally skinny forever because I have a high metabolism" attitude... and some think "I'm already a whale why try to change?"

Maybe some have health issues (thyroid?) but I know they can be treated and the issues overcome with the proper medical attention (Just look at Beth! She is down 80+lbs and I am so proud of her!). I sometimes hear people conversing in public about dieting (usually fad diets!) and I want to sit down with them and explain to them how they can be healthy. How they can change AND enjoy it. And then I am sure they would look at me like I was a freak and ask me, the intruding stranger, to leave their table. :) So, I don't but-in to their convos. But I want to.

I am not in any way the perfect eater (didn't I just confess to a Girl Scout cookie binge, right here, for everyone to see?!), and I am no where near being in perfect shape. But I am working on it. Every single day, I am working. I might not always make it to the gym (Hey, what *practically* single mom of two controls her whole world? If you find her, introduce us!), and I might not always make the 100% best food choices... but I do try. And holy cow, do I try harder when I DON'T make the right choices. The guilt is overwhelming sometimes. But there is no success without failure, and I WILL BE a SUCCESS. I know you can, too.

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